When you’re so tangled in bending over backwards for people, over accommodating by not putting down clear boundaries, ‘over giving’ to have others like you. Being too ‘nice’, too ‘yes of course’. Doing things for others (that they could do for themselves). Not speaking up, and, at times, shapeshifting to fit what you think ‘they’ want.
Then…… the OPPOSITE of what you want ends up happening. Here’s why…
When you do those things, you teach people how low your internal bar is. How you’re more invested in them liking you (and not rocking the boat), than you are in clearly occupying your own space and standards.
And consequently, you train people around you to underperform.
Which sets up a vicious cycle. Their underperformance (remember, you’ve set the standard in this), has you trapped in a loop of constantly overextending yourself - again and again. Can you see it?
It's a never ending vacuum that sucks your energy dry. And with it, your vitality and passion.
And if that wasn't bad enough, to compound it even further... you’re sending a beacon out to the world that that's what you’re available for, having more and more experiences and people at that level being attracted in. Snow balling the whole damn thing, and reflecting back to you constantly ‘this is the way it is’. Reinforcing patterns and frustration.
And I get it…
You have such awesome intentions. You THINK that you’re helping. Being kind. Being generous. Being of service. But what you’ve not been seeing, is that although your intentions are awesome, what you’re actually being, is…..
….. an over-giving, over-functioning doormat, with an open door policy that almost anyone can (and does) get in on. As a result, there are people getting a backstage pass who shouldn’t be, and who have full access to you in the backstage VIP area, and they’re damn well taking full advantage of it.
My friend, its time to get with the program.
FIRSTLY… when you have beautiful clear boundaries, the people in your life know what's up... They don’t have to guess, and therefore they get to feel safe around you!!!
I ADORE people who have beautiful boundaries and are clear and upfront because I don’t have to guess where they’re at! I’m not having to think “I wonder if this is ok”.
SECONDLY… when you have beautiful boundaries, then you’re getting your needs met and your tank is full!!!!!! You have energy and vitality!!! Relationships that have energy and juiciness… occur when the people in them are operating at their personal best. I personally want to play with people who take care of and honour themselves.. They have more to bring to the table!!! And the relationship thrives as a result.
THIRDLY… when you have delicious and yummy boundaries in place, you’re NOT chronically giving out more to others than you get in return, and sooooooooo you DON'T have hidden resentment and frustration building up in the background.
I used to have that with Henare (my husband of 15 years). I was always the people pleaser. I would give and give and give. I thought that's what a ‘good wife’ did (I bloody hate to say that as it sounds so archaic).
However, that's how I was programmed. And so I did, I gave and gave and gave.
I know that you already have a lot of amazing stuff going on
(I’d call you, a ‘high functioning people pleaser’)
So here it is…
Imagine how powerful you’d be, if you weren’t having yourself sucked dry from having your time and energy needlessly drained away.
You’ve already done so well, on part of your power. Imagine if you had ALL your power freed up now.
Imagine, being a woman with exquisitely clear, healthy boundaries…
She’s different. Period.
She knows CLEARLY who she is and what she stands for. And her energy radiates that. Her energy communicates her boundaries long before she opens her mouth. She’s trained people in who she is and the level to which she plays at, and as a result, people continually step up around her. They rise to play alongside her and everyone rises together. She radiates an energy that in turn has people magnetized by her demonstration of unshakeable power, remembering to switch on their own power too and because of this, she moves mountains with her mind, and builds futures with her energy.
The more I gave, the more he took. It became the hidden unconscious agreement of our marriage. And I couldn't even see it, 'cause I was so ‘in it’.
I became so frustrated... “Why didn't he get it? Why didn't he help me out? Why didn't he thank me??” Daaaaamn I’d get annoyed.
And then, I'd end up lashing out. I became the opposite of the ‘nice girl’ I was trying to be. And after yelling and crying, I'd feel bad for my outburst and riddled with shame and guilt, I'd do some ‘over giving people pleasing thing’ to help soothe how bad I felt. Which of course perpetuated the cycle.
Cue: Circus music + a merry go round of over giving, with an undercurrent of building frustration, seasoned with random outbursts of resentment and blame.
A recipe for…………… DIS-intimacy
Which is exactly why I say… “Healthy beautiful boundaries are necessary for healthy beautiful relationships!”
Here’s the deal…….
WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US
WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO BE AROUND US
WE TEACH PEOPLE WHAT WE’LL ALLOW AND NOT ALLOW
The question is… what have YOU been teaching people about YOU?
Have you been training them that if they need ANYTHING, that you’re the person they go to? (No wonder you feel drained!)
Or maybe you’ve trained people that you’re available to them whenever they want or need you… and so they call on you all the time, and ask you for things.
Have you trained people that they can do a substandard job around you, and that probably you’ll even come in and fix it up for them. “It's all good” you say as you do it, fixing their mistakes or low standard of work “YET AGAIN”.
Or maybe you’ve been training people that you’re the ‘nice girl’, and so you’ve taught them that you’ll agree with things they say, and they can talk your ear off, while you smile away listening, even when inside you’re screaming that you do not want to be in this conversation, cause you have other things to do!
Or have you maybe taught people that the hidden agreement of your relationship together is that you give to them, and there’s then an unspoken, underlying expectation that they have to give back to you in return. And so, what's actually been created, is not true freedom in the relationship, but in fact, obligation.
This is for you if…
You know that on some level you’ve been over giving, or over functioning, and you want to cut it out, and be operating from a much healthier, higher level space, while freeing up your time and energy.
You sometimes get a bit lost in ‘what's your stuff’ and ‘what's their stuff’ and end up care taking (emotionally, financially or other) for others.
You’re someone who’s been stuck in over giving to others at the expense of yourself.
You’re a mum. You DEFINITELY want to do this. Why? cause your kids' eyes are on you! If YOU want them to have a high level of operating, then YOU’LL want to be demonstrating a high level of operating yourself!
You want to be met at a new level in the world... you’ll definitely want to do this! Why? cause we get met at the level to which we show up, if we show up by eating last, and giving ourselves the leftovers and operating on a partial tank, then THAT'S the energy that we’re putting out, and then THAT'S the energy that we’ll get met back with.
You’re reading this page and you resonate with what's been written here... then follow that nudge!
What you’ll be learning & we’ll be covering
The difference between non-negotiables and preferences, and HOW to have a non-negotiable BE an actual non-bloody-negotiable!!!!!
What ‘you teach the world how to treat you’ really means! We’re going to look at this, break it down, and get clear on what that means for YOU!
What HAS it meant for you in the past? And what will you choose to have it mean for you in the future?Hidden agreements in relationships – What are hidden relationship agreements? And how do they lay the foundation for everything that goes on within the relationship?
How to deal with the knee jerk ‘response’ of another person as you re-establish a new set point, and they relearn what that new set point is
BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES!!!! What boundaries are, how to establish them, how to protect them, how to communicate them. We’re going to dive into EVERYTHING to do with BOUNDARIES…
How having healthy epic rockin' boundaries creates healthy epic rockin' relationships
Boundary myths – what you may be believing about boundaries that’s completely untrue and damaging your relationships
The difference between proactive boundaries and reactive boundaries
How to communicate your boundary needs… and so much more!!
All about CHRONIC OVER-GIVING! OMG... we’re going to talk about this!
Want to know where all your time and energy is going? Yup, it's flying down the drainpipe as you’re running around, in over giving, over serving mode. Getting a handle on ‘over-giving’ means MORE TIME and MORE ENERGY back in your life!How to SELF-PARTNER!!! How to partner yourself through the process with massive kindness and support! Sometimes it’s about forgiving yourself, and going easy on yourself, as you also have the internal boundaries to be able to show up for yourself in the way that will make the changes that you truly want
Your own inner GPS that’s always speaking to you and sending you amazing messages...
AND how to listen to it and hear the information that it has for youOnly saying YES to what it is that you TRULY want to do, and therefore being CONSCIOUSLY CLEAR about what it is that you actually give your word to. This is going to be a game changer for so many people as so often people overcommit, and say yes to everyone, and then feel guilty about overcommitting.
RADICAL SELF CARE is an act of massive generosity. If you’ve been in the habit of not caring for yourself, then this is going to change!
Let’s blast away any guilt that you’ve had around radical self care, and actually have you showing up DAILY with filling your own tank, so that you’re operating at your highest capacity
How to have sacred ‘re-setting time’ EVERY day. Super sacred space that allows you to reset your new standards within yourself, so that you can operate from these new standards every day and build the new muscles that keep these standards in place... which then become your new normal!
How to protect your energy! Yesssss… This is something that I hear over and over from people as that they don’t know how to care and look after their own energy! We’re going to go into SO much on energy. You’ll learn DAILY ENERGY PROTECTION TOOLS to be able to protect, support and enhance your energy DAILY... as well as my ‘quick tip’ energy protection tools when you’re working with someone who you need to protect your energy FAST…
The specific People Pleasing Blueprint that you’ve been operating from, that's been driving this pattern that's draining your time, vitality and creativity (and yes, it's taking way more of a toll than what you’ve even realised!). You’ll uncover what this blueprint is and HOW it's been driving everything.
The background drivers of WHY you’ve been people pleasing. What have you been trying to get out of it? Let's uncover what this is, and release it.
Being the one who goes first in creating an extraordinary life with high level healthy beautiful boundaries, joy, freedom and vitality.
How to rewrite the script that you’re operating from, and specifically HOW to rearrange things so that you’re relating to yourself and the world in new ways (this is super super powerful stuff!)
You’ll learn how to recognise in the moment when you’re operating out of your old pattern and what to do IN THE MOMENT to reset back to your new way of operating.
What SLIPPERY THOUGHTS are and how to recognise them in the moment and use them as the red flags that they are to support you to create the change that you’re wanting.
You’ll learn to recognise OTHER red flag moments, which show you when your boundaries have been out, and you’ve been operating out of the old people pleasing pattern (hint: these red flag moments can be when you’re feeling frustrated or angry and are actually golden pivot points).
Learn about toxic shame and guilt and how these two little guys sit in the background acting like Puppet Masters, pulling the strings. They know exactly which strings to pull to get YOU moving. Shame and guilt are pretty damn insidious AND they drive the People Pleasing Pattern (out of interest, if you haven't been listening to your RED FLAGS, then you could have some kind of outburst, and then the top
You’ll develop your INNER COURAGE MUSCLES
RAISING THE BAR so that your standards are where you want and need them to be to experience the freedom that you’re after
What can happen from others WHEN you raise your own standards. What to expect with other people who have known you the old way, and how to deal with it!
How to communicate a healthy NO so that the communication is clean and clear, and sets a beautiful new standard
Here’s the Logistical Breakdown
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Module one is unlocked immediately upon registration! The sooner you register, the sooner you can get started!
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The content is released over 6 weeks, however many modules have multiple conversations included. You'll get access to all future updates of Boundaries Breakthrough, and new modules that will be added over time.
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YES! You’ll have access to all content for life PLUS you’ll also have access to all future updates of this program!
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We do a couple of live rounds of this program each year. You can either sign up and go through the program anytime of year (even when its not a live round), and also be included in the next live round.
During the live round, there will be a place to ask me any of your boundary questions as you go and Ill answer them live. There will also be bonus live sessions during the live rounds.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to know your power on an entirely new level? Raise the bar so you can be met at that new level and claim back the time, energy and vibrancy that had gotten lost along the away?
Click below now for your Boundaries Breakthrough
I'm ULTRA excited for what YOU are going to get out of our time together
I know first hand the absolute difference it makes to transform this in your life. It’s one of the biggest things I'm proud of shifting within myself. And it’s one of the things that’s had the biggest impact with massive tsunami like ripples across every area of my life – relationships, parenting, business, marriage, wealth, health and energy.
And oh so importantly… HOW I FEEL WITHIN MYSELF
That feeling of BEING Free
YOU GET TO BE FREE …… Did you know that? Free in every way possible
Free to communicate yourself and your needs fully & freely – cause you have clear internal boundaries, know how to listen to your own needs, and have the internal standards that support you in speaking them
Free to feel comfortable and certain about owning your own power – cause you’re no longer holding back and shrinking to not rock the boat. You know that other people’s thoughts, feelings and opinions are theirs and not yours, and you let them have their opinions without (let's be honest!) trying to manipulate everyone to like you. Your job is to be you. And let them be them. Wow, what a relief!
Free to experience high level relationships that have epic healthy boundaries – cause you no longer get all watery with your boundaries with other people. You know that epic relationships have epic boundaries, and you you’ve decided to be the one that goes first with that, and stand up and own your own personal leadership (“kudos”)
Free to know that when you say something, you truly mean it. Both with yourself, and with others. Cause when you say something, it truly means something. Your word carries weight, both to yourself and others. And other people know that. You’ve trained them that you follow through with your boundaries, with your intentions and on your own word. SO, when you draw a boundary with them, they KNOW that you mean it. When you promise something to yourself, you also KNOW that you mean it, and you SHOW UP for yourself. WOW... what freedom and power
Free to know who you are – to know where you start and stop, and where another person starts and stops. To be free to have your own opinion, and back it. And be free to allow others to have their own opinions
Free to have high energy and massive vitality – 'cause you know it’s not getting sucked and drained by old sneaky patterns, you’re no longer emotionally care taking for others, or stuck up in your head overthinking and over analysing your own every move
Free to have your time back! – 'cause you’re no longer running around like a headless chook doing everything for everyone, having your hands on other people’s balls! Over promising, over giving and over functioning is a thing of the past, and in it’s place, you have the time and energy to show up with your tank full and consciously choose what you invest yourself in
Free to be SEEN – 'cause you’re no longer dictated to by trying to please others by being perfect. You get to step out of the shadows of perfection, and just be… you. There goes that weight
LET’S GET YOU FREED UP AND UNTANGLED
FROM ALL THAT OLD CRAP, SHALL WE?
…CAUSE, YOU’RE HERE FOR SOOO MUCH MORE THAN THAT
I’ll see you inside!
Kate x